Sunday sermon #2: Hallelujah for… Prince Philip

Prince Philip, the Queen’s consort for almost 60 years, turns 90 this week and so I thought it only right that today’s sermon should pay tribute to a man who pays more than a passing resemblance to a velociraptor.

The Duke of Edinburgh is the country’s longest-serving consort. For this alone we should give thanks as it has given him ample opportunity to show off his unique style, a bizarre mix of Werther’s Original toting Grandpa and a posh Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown.

Prince Philip - a national institution and professional velociraptor impersonator

His gaffes have made him a national institution in his own right and so to celebrate his birthday I offer the top ten all time Prince Philip faux pas:

  1. On an official tour of Canada when asked if he knew Scilly Isles he replied “My son…er…owns them.”
  2. When asked about his daughter the Princess Royal he said “If it doesn’t fart or eat hay, she isn’t interested.”
  3. With belly obviously rumbling at an official dinner at Buckingham Palace in 2004 he was overheard saying “Bugger the table plan, give me my dinner!”
  4. When presented to an up and coming fashion designer in 2009 he commented “Well, you didn’t design your beard too well, did you?
  5. In a comment that has scarred the minds of many, speaking with Scottish Tory leader Annabel Goldie about the specially designed Papal tartan  “That’s a nice tie… Do you have any knickers in that material?”
  6. Discussing his complex role as Consort to the Queen he told Jeremy Paxman “Any bloody fool can lay a wreath at the thingamy.”
  7. In 1999 he asked Lord Taylor of Warwick, whose parents emigrated from Jamaica and has just been jailed for fiddling his expenses: “What exotic part of the world do you come from?” Lord Taylor replied: “Birmingham.”
  8. During the Cold War the Price was asked if he wanted to visit the USSR. He answered “I would like to go to Russia very much – although the bastards murdered half my family.”
  9. Addressing a group of British students in China he warned them “If you stay here much longer, you will go home with slitty eyes.”
  10. Making clear his love for Eastern cuisine in 1986 he said “If it has four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.”

So, hallelujah for Prince Philip and may the dawn of his tenth decade not blunt his loose-lipped oratory. Amen.

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One thought on “Sunday sermon #2: Hallelujah for… Prince Philip

  1. Charles Dundas says:

    I am sure that your MBE is in the post now. Crawler!

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